The Grayzone

You know you’re a stay at home dad when…

February 1, 2007 at 2:26 am (Uncategorized)

I don’t quote his standup routine, but I’ve always liked Jeff Foxworthy.  He’s a guy who stays focused on one general theme that everyone laughs about and he seems like a normal guy.

I’ll leave it to others to ponder my normalcy, but I’ll take a page from Mr. Foxworthy’s approach.

You know you’re a stay at home dad when…….

You make catty remarks to yourself about other stay at home dads who annoy you.

You’re the only guy at playground Tuesday and no moms talk to you (maybe those dads heard my remarks and skipped town).

You can’t understand why your daughter’s shirts have the buttons wrong.

You actually hope to change diapers more often because of your daughter’s ”plumbing issues.”

You can’t sleep in the middle of the night because songs by “The Wiggles” and “Sesame Street’s 25th Anniversary” play over and over in your head.

90 percent of your everyday conversations are to yourself.

You know the names of each Wiggle character and his corresponding shirt color (just stop singing in my head!).

You look at the clock and think about coordinating nap times instead of asking when  SportsCenter begins.

You dress your daughter in an outfit that actually matches.

You dress your daughter’s doll in an outfit that actually matches.

You and your wife spell half of your vocabulary because you fear your daughter will figure something out.  (e.g., “Did you pack the J-U-I-C-E?”).

Your don’t care that your daughter leaves ketchup on your face when she puts her head on your shoulder.

You get excited about being able to calm down your daughter when she’s upset.  (Tap, tap, tap the back).

You drive by the library and see a sign for a father-daughter dance and dream of the day when the two of you will go.